A Journey into Spirituality.
A Shortened History of my Present life:
From the very beginnings of this Modern life I was born into, I pretty much knew there was something wrong with it. I believe I got off to a right start in many ways, in knowing truly, that while I had Self-meaning, Modern life in all on the otherhand, had no Meaning to it all absolutely. I don’t exactly know how I did come across this conclusion, but what I do know is that, it did start off with some rather scary Horror Movies in all truly.
The very first time I remember watching a Movie and while young, it actually involved, a Bear to it all, and not only a big brown furry one at that, but one too, that apparently went around murdering people, and not even killing them actually. Murdering them, as it appeared to know exactly when to seek out its victims, where they would be, how to go about breaking through doors or even somewhat, unlocking them actually, knowing how to smack down its victims, and finally even, killing them rather ruthlessly, before anyone got to the point or place itself actually. Shocking stuff to me, and as a young mind even, that there were actually Bears out there, that plotted out murders, carried them out swiftly {and precisely even} {even with, the Police hot on their trails}, and in the end in all, died gloriously {and in a hail of bullets too actually}. At the very least, I believed this particular movie in all, had me not fearing humans at the most even, believing instead, there was a greater something out there {murdersome Bears at the very least}, more capable infact, than the most capable of Human beings, in inflicting pain of any kind actually.
This in many ways truly, was my introduction to Spirituality {and as versus Religion too that is}, and the very next time I did watch a Movie in all that impacted me as such, was when I was still young, having moved into a new Locale of existence, and with a neighbour of mine, a Sam, handing me a horror Movie, Silver Bullet, that did involve again, a Werewolf this time, killing all and everything { and with the precision of an assassin even}, that in many ways did question my belief, in what truly was Human Intelligence, and what was out there in some ways truly { as with perhaps my coming to believe, that Night time, was a truly a scary time in most ways actually}.
This in all again, was truly in all, my introduction to Spirituality, and my attempts in all truly, and driven by a subconscious fear perhaps, to attempt to gain Peace at all costs even {and via Intelligence too that is}.
A Problematic World:
Early in my life, I came to believe that life in all, was truly filled with problems that in many ways, did make it all meaningless actually {they being repetitive even, and with they appearing to have no proper solution to them actually} {and as with they even, boring in most ways to deal with truly}.
My first foray into Spirituality itself, truly began with American movies having Native American Shamans in them, offering all kinds of advice and as with regards, to all forms even, of Political problems faced actually. In many ways, I believed life to be about survival itself {and due to watching these movies that is}, but luckily enough, the wisdom of Native Indians in all, could help stave off poverty and in most of its forms actually {and in many ways perhaps, I believed probably that fearing poverty was not something to worry about as at the very least subconsciously even, one could get out of it using Native American Wisdom in all truly} {and something to this very day, I probably believe is very much true, as with at the very least saying that, this did involve even, tuning ones spirit in all, to be similar to that, of a totemic creature (and such as a crow for instance too really), and simply moving in life totally driven, by this ‘animal spirit’ in all, until one got out of all forms of survival/political based problems they were involved in} {something I did believe also, and as with the movie ‘the Crow’ even, I did use whenever I did find myself in any kind of political problem in all truly}. All this said presumptuously perhaps, and as with my coming to realize even, all this {and as with retrospect too that is}, much later somewhat in my life actually.
Following all this, I was then introduced into the useless world of Roman Catholicism, and modern Protestantism in all, and as with it in many ways even, truly defining somewhat, modern African Society in all, and a Spirituality too, heavily inverted in its ways, and as with its endless and mindless talk of Money and Sex in all, and warning everybody in its range and sight, that both pursuits in all, were the most useless thing one could ever do with their lives in most ways truly. In many ways even, a critique even in all, of modern African Society actually, but with the Western Media in all again {which seemed to go along with this form of Spirituality actually}, promoting Money and Sex in an antagonistic manner even, and as the only two things perhaps, worth living for in all, and which to my highly at that time even, attuned Intellectual mind actually, I knew was nonsense in all {as with my knowing even, what Romance as a Philosophical concept, truly was actually}. I was destined to fail in life in all, being brought up to believe in all this, until luckily enough, Madonna {then a Pop Princess actually} {and not a Pop Queen either that is}, came around to ruin the party for everyone {including the Pope}, by virulently attacking the Pope in all, and calling all Moderns {or those associated with Modern Society in all}, nerds, losers, geeks, pervs even {and who in all again, would never make it in life actually} {and something truly in all again, I caught on to with at the very least knowing that, I wanted to hang around people like Madonna or at the very least even, belong to her kind of Society (and not a Modern African Society either, confused about being African or Western, and as with it simply defining both, highly based around Money, Sex, and Worship/Ethic in all truly}. For me, they boasted about the little they did make, the useless stuff I cared not to own or have, and with the only support I had in all this, being Madonna in most ways truly {and as with believing even, I would probably get to meet her one day actually}.
It was Madonna in most ways, who had me breaking away from any attempt to make an African of me, as at the very least even, I believed Africans lacking in general Creativity {and it truly defined even, by general playfulness actually}, and in most ways I could say, I truly learnt how to Play {and speaking too even really, of Emotional intensity/expression actually}, in a manner, that Madonna perhaps would have approved of actually {and with my jumping around even, a huge consternation to both my ‘Parents’ truly} {and something in all again, a form of Play perhaps I believe, has gotten me through life itself in many ways truly, as with it helping me even, deal with boredom in all, and in a more or less then, truly boring Kenya actually}.
As I entered High School {and having Madonna on the otherhand truly define me even in my younger schooling years}, I came across a new Crowd, very much Roman Catholic and modern Protestant, and truly obsessed even, with Money and Sex in itself truly. I did not know what to make of this new environment that I found myself in, but at the very least I found life then, highly problematic actually, because I truly believed, I knew about something simple that did make life truly meaningful: Romance. When my Ethics teacher in Strathmore School {the High School I attended} a Mr. Silvano Borruso, spoke about God being everywhere and always present even, in my mind I truly believed he was truly speaking of even, Romance {or God as Romance too that is} {and it was the only way even truly, I could bring myself to believe in a Kingdom of Heaven right here on Earth, and in a World I found pretty Meaningless in all ways truly even}. Speaking of Romance again is not too speak of the Romantic actually, but honestly to say the least, speak of the fact that whatever endeavour you might chase in life in all {including Money and Sex}, it has to be done with notions of Romance in it {and at the very least, speak even, of chivalry or machismo even truly}; In many ways truly though, Kenya then, and most of the people in the High School I attended too, were backward, nigs even, and with regards, to the way in all, they did think about Money, Sex, or even simply Friendship in all truly {and in a manner too, not too distant somewhat even, from American Gangster Rap in all truly}.
During this period, my High School years that is, I did dabble in other forms of Spirituality actually {and as with my belief even, that gaining an Education in Strathmore in all, had only one goal to it: leaving Kenya}. I did not take my High School Education too seriously though, instead, seeking out other forms of Spirituality in all, that I believed would get me through life much comfortably {and at the very least even, helping me attain a higher level of Success in all, than that which a modern Education in all, did have to offer actually}. The main problem I had with Schooling was that, it truly lacked notions of Romanticism to it {as with my belief in all that, I would very much have preferred to be a Cook in a Hotel, rather than work in a Kenyan Office at all costs}, and with time even, initially that is, found myself in all, heavily dabbling even, in the Martial Arts somewhat truly {and as with believing even, they housed the kind of Spirituality in all, I believed would get me through life actually}. Reading the works of Confucius, the Book of Five Rings, and even dabbling somewhat again in Yoga, had me developing a mentality in all, that I wanted to be a CEO of a Company {and like Sony for instance too really}, but with all this again, derailed in all really, by my not seeing any Romance in all to it {believing it in all, a form of Spirituality even, highly based around developing Discipline in all its forms truly}. At the very most, the only Romance I could imagine up in it, was a lifestyle of me in all, having private homes, a private jet, and even eating great food in great restaurants too, before receiving a call in all, to help deal with an important political situation actually {and via the backdoor too even really} {and at the very least again, I believed Japanese CEO’s in all, to be the ideal model of Power in all as such (as with they even, intimate with their Governments in all truly), and for me in many ways even, the so called American Dream in all, and of succeeding in Business too, was in many ways truly, Japanese, and Sony even actually}.
One form of Spirituality though, I did find myself having great interest in came via American and European movies {and even German Documentaries too in all really} and that did find me believing that, being a Swordsman in all, was the height of Romance, Chivalry, and Machismo itself even, and all combined too really, with a culture of reading Philosophical works in all {and in many ways too even, operating at the very least, as a private Consultant actually} {at the very least again, what I do know was that (and as with all this putting an end to my being African in all ways truly), I truly did strongly identify with European Materialism in all (knowing it deeply enough, that’s whom I truly was with Materiality actually) (truly was again, as in being all alone, and not caring even, to know a single soul actually)}.
At this point in my life, I had somewhat mainly stopped listening to Madonna, having believed it was time to stop playing around {and be ‘Cool’ in a Modern African sense that is (that is, always serious looking in one way or another actually)}, but later on, when I did move to the Western World and a World too again really, I perceived even, openly Racist actually {and as with no notion of Romance to it all, but it instead, advertising itself as such}, I did happen to see Madonna on TV again, and truly wondered to myself in all, whom she was now in many ways really, how she was doing in all actually, and as in many ways even again, probably believing her the only one non-racist person in America perhaps, or the Western World itself truly {and in many ways even, truly asking myself whom I was now, and as with my knowing even, I did not care to know Westerners/Whites at all really, and in many ways even, believing them even more boring somewhat than Africans in all really (even further surprising was the fact, that Africans in all were somewhat truly popular in the Western World actually, which to me subconsciously in many ways perhaps did mean, I would soon be leaving it actually)}.
My going to Strathmore School in all, was actually something good in all again, that did happen to me actually, and as with my coming to realize later on that is, that it was a place in all truly, that did house an interesting form of Christianity actually, falsely believed Roman Catholic too, but with my later on coming to realize actually, it was a Christianity in all, similar in nature, to the form of Gnosticism even, seen in Charlemagne’s Europe {while Strathmore does advertise itself as being associated with the Opus Dei in many ways actually, its Christian life is more Gnostic in nature (but not really so either), and as with speak too even really, of the reading material available in all, that is not of Opus Dei origins actually}. It was this reading material in all, I should have heavily concentrated on I believe actually {and remorsefully too even really}, as I later on came to realize that, they were books on Spirituality in all, not too different from that seen amongst the members of the Holy Roman Empire actually {and stuff too, that I believed I knew in a historical sense too really (as with believing even, I perfectly understood this form of Spirituality), and Spirituality in all again, truly teaching one in all, how to tackle or deal with even, just about anything and in a casual manner too really {and in many ways even, it was this Spirituality and as with it associated with the Nazis too really, that I truly did believe in all defined Manliness actually, as with my knowing even, that while African Identity is heavily based around this (Manliness/Womanliness), I on the otherhand defined Manliness in all, as being Nazi in most ways truly (or even, that seen within Spirituality in all, associated with the Holy Roman Empire in all truly))}. To this very day, I am somewhat not too happy with missing out on this opportunity actually {reading all this stuff instead of watching television or studying even}, and truly see this as time lost in all actually {and as with considering that this form of Knowledge in all, would have made my stay in the Western World, lasting over 12 years too really, much more easier than what I did encounter in all truly}.
Having graduated from High School {and as with believing even, I was done with Kenya now, and ready to move on at the very least, to European Materiality (and a life too even, of Romance, Chivarly and Machismo too actually)}, I spent some few years again, engaged in new forms of Spirituality actually: that having to do with Reggae Music, Rock Music and Rap Music too even. I was only a fan of old school Rap Music actually {like De La Soul for instance}, and as with it in all cases even, Music truly, that did have notions of Chivarly to it {and a kind of Chivarly too, more or less playful in nature, and associated in all again, with being Cool in a manner truly, that would make one well liked, and therefore, make it easily through life in all actually} {to me, they represented in many ways how I believed America to be socially that is, and including even, some Janet Jackson too (and of the ‘Because of Love’ variety too)}. I do not know truly how I took all this in actually {listening to De La Soul and Janet Jackson too singing ‘Because of Love’}, but I truly believed it to all mean that, Spiritually that is, that I could get through life in all again, by having the Coolest friends in all, looking out for each other actually {and as with Romance and Chivarly too even really}, and making life easier for each other, and with all succeeding as one actually {and in a popular Musketeer fashion too even really}. All I needed were these cool friends, and I believed them to be in America at the very most actually, but with the popularization of Gangster Rap in all, having me question all this in most ways truly.
I did listen to Reggae Music during this time period, after my graduating from High School, believing it even, apparently the African thing to do in all really. At a time when I had absolutely no money, but believing it even, the most important thing one could own, Reggae Music {or Bob Marley too even truly}, gave me a different perspective on life itself {simply being happy and with having personal problems to deal with in all truly}. I found Reggae or Bob Marley even actually, rather interesting in all, and as he spoke of being ‘Ire’ in all truly, and with regards to ones personal problems actually, and with time even, finding all the Happiness one did seek out in all really {and that one again, and as with Spirituality too even really (and as I later came to fathom that is), could truly envision life based around personal problems actually, and then at the very end of it all actually, arriving at the Success one truly did dream of really {and as with saying even, that these personal problems in all, were truly personal actually, and not group based either}. A kind of Spirituality probably had to get, unless one thinks or dreams up being ‘Ire’ in all, in the form of luck or chance actually, or even truly again, great luck in all really. Catherine, a Neighbour I had the hots for, and Sams sister too, was apparently a big fan of Reggae Music in all, {and something I did not buy for a minute}, seeing Bob Marley at very least, to house some Romance/Machismo, that Africans in general lacked actually, and truly in all again (and as with Catherine seeing herself even, a proud African in all despite looking Spanish}, believed her to be more or less similar {or at the very least again} believed her to be more like Janet Jackson in ‘Because of Love’ {her, and a certain Caroline Getecha who lived around the way, and whom I believed, the only other person in the whole of Kenya perhaps, to be similar in spirit and camaraderie, to me in all truly}.
Reggae Music though, was not to be of my taste truly, and in many ways even, believed in Luck to manifest truly, in a more or less Chivalrous manner actually {rather than one machismo filled}, and it was because of all this, I also did truly find myself listening in all, to Rock Music actually. Rock Music, had a certain Romance to it all, and at the very least based around, the kind of Women actually, one did find in it and me in all again, with Rock music and being Cool, was none other than Bon Jovi perhaps, while on the otherhand me truly with Rock Music simply chillin’, was Counting Crows {and ‘Mr. Jones’ too even really} {and with some Aerosmith too, thrown in between all this actually}. I did not know what to make of Rock Music in most ways truly as while I did identify with it {Emotionally that is}, it seemed to present in all, a kind of Spirituality rather Psychologically complex even, and of people in all, mentally confused or disturbed even, and seeking out a way to live life out, in a rather blissful manner actually {something I believed was me in most ways truly and ever since even, I was a Child actually} {and in most ways too, a belief in a Miracle perhaps delivering one, from all this confusion and suffering, and leading one in all again, to Bliss itself truly (if not Heaven itself actually)} {again, a lot of Rock Music out there, does not truly state what Bliss is in all, other than it perhaps, being Heaven itself in most ways truly}. At the very least again, and as with my not becoming African even, I truly saw Relationships in all, Gender based too that is, from the perspective of Rock Music actually, and with this in all again, truly defined by Aerosmith {and Alicia Silverstone too even actually} {and as with my believing even, me and her, were kindred spirits in all truly}. It was about that time too, that I did get to see Bon Jovi’s “Always” video, and my being introduced to Carla Gugino in all {and as with saying even that Madonnas ‘Whos that Girl’ was truly all about Carla Gugino for me actually}, and I believed, that Jon Bon Jovis passionate singing even, was the heights of Love & Romance itself {other than my having watched ‘For the very first time’ with Corin Nemeck in it (and Cherly Pollack too actually)}, and a movie too, I believed truly represented, the highest even in Emotional intensity actually, which my life in all again, could truly try to measure up to actually {in many ways too really, after watching Carla Gugino in ‘Son in Law’, I truly did believe then, I was destined to meet her in one way or another actually}. In many ways perhaps to say, my foray into Rock Music had me now conceiving Spirituality not from the perspective of Romance {and chivalry and machismo too even really}, but more from Love {and it being Sign and Symbol based too actually} {and as with even truly waiting in many ways actually, for a Miracle to happen in my life truly} {and for it too happen even, without too much physical effort on my part, and based too on my emotionally suffering in one way or another really}. A difficult way of living perhaps, for while Rock Music of the Counting Crows kind spoke of mental confusion and pain in all, from a Romance, Chivalry and Machismo perspective actually {and having a Miracle in all again, deliver one actually, from this pain via chasing even, a romance of a kind truly (and speak too even, of an early death perhaps)}, that of Aerosmith and Bon Jovi appeared more Spiritual in its ways actually, based around Love truly, and as with speaking even, of a Miracle based belief in all, that ones mental confusion and pain even, was actually God given, and by suffering it all actually, one would in time, be delivered from all this anguish {and by Miracle too even really}, into a life filled with Love {Sign and Symbol based}, but one again, appearing to have themes in all, of one disappearing from Life itself in many ways actually {and never to be seen again truly} {in most ways truly, what is been said is that Rock Music does not define Success rather well actually, and with one viewing it in many ways actually, simply about getting ‘there’ (Bliss) in the grandest of ways actually (Romance or Love filled), and then simply ‘Dying off’ after (or even simply Dying in itself actually) or even again, simply disappearing in most ways truly} {an interesting way of thinking of life in all, once prevalent even in olden day America actually, or Boston too even at that, and with many not knowing that, it is Reggae Music truly, that speaks of Succeeding in all (and as with owning even a Huge Home in all), and not Rock Music or Rap Music either (with more or less modern Rap in all again, highly political actually, and as with it even truly mirroring actually, African Politics in all, and with regards to ones rise and fall in all, in such realms actually) (a life in many ways truly even, of corruptions in most ways actually)} {In many ways even, Spirituality associated with Rock Music, does speak of how life truly was in America once upon a time (and as I remember it in all actually) (circa the 18th Century perhaps)}.
In mid 1997, I was notified by both my ‘Parents’, and the University of Calgary in Calgary, Canada, that I was to begin my studies in Engineering in that coming Fall {and as they so called it too actually}. Finally, I was leaving Kenya.
My Soujourn in Canada in most ways, would prove to be disastrous as Canada is one place in all truly, lacking in most forms of Spirituality actually, and making life there in most ways actually, a dreadful bore {as with even saying that, it’s a place in all, that lacks in basic Spirituality actually, and with no felt presence in all, of Godliness in most ways truly}. At the very least, Canadians don’t truly even know what Camaraderie is {with they hanging out in many ways even, in somewhat Authoritarian ways actually (and as with an argument even, breaking out far more often, than most would believe it to)}. A useless place in most ways truly, as Canadians only truly believe, in a Western Education as the only way to get through life actually {in few words, living out a very boring life actually (and as with truly living it out that is)}. In many ways again, living in general in the Western World, does have this mentality {or Spirituality to it that is}, and all based around what some would call ‘the Cult of the White Woman’ in all truly. Take Rock Music for instance, its Spirituality in many ways truly, has one in all again, having a White Female Companion in all, to somewhat see one through ones mental confusion and pain, but at the end of it all, still meeting Death somewhat, on finding true Romance or Love that is, and having to leave behinds ones ‘girlfriend’ even {and as with saying even, she offers Love/Romance in all that one does refuse to accept in most ways truly, with one wishing instead for something greater and on finding it (and as with Heaven too even really), sees her in many ways even after that, finding Peace and Calm, for Love/Romance given/shown (but with it refused actually), and a Calm in many ways too, similar to finding happiness in most ways truly} {a Calm too, that probably in all, brings one a kind of Beauty even, that in general perhaps, one could very well be truly happy with actually}. A crazy way of living perhaps, capable of working well in Canada maybe, but again, my finding Canadians totally averse in all even, towards anything American actually, and with Rock Music in all ways truly even, considered totally American, while other said ‘classier’ music forms perhaps {and such as Alternative, Gospel, Jazz etc.}, considered in one way or another, Canadian in most ways truly.
Canada was a depressive mess, so depressive, that I would surely have died in my sleep, had it not been for some antagonistic behaviour I developed with certain White Women in all {and in a Canada too, that does not approve of Interracial relationships in all ways even}, and tensions in all too, that I would later discover {and as with retrospect that is}, truly did mirror those somewhat seen in Rock music videos actually {but with a Racial tint to it all truly}.
The Music Industry in America by this time, seemed to have gone under receivership or something, considering the rather poor and terrible even, Music coming out of it in all, and I somewhat initially in all again, found myself listening to Reggae/Dancehall Music actually, as with my having earlier on figured out Canadian/Western Society in most ways truly even really. It was simple basic stuff. At the center of it all, was the ‘Cult of the White Woman’, and one in most ways in all again, had to become attached to a White Woman in all truly, inorder to make it through life and Society itself actually. It was pretty dumb stuff too, as with stating that most Minorities would never get to date a White Woman at all, while for myself, believing myself capable somewhat of doing this, in many ways noticed White Men, who wondered perhaps why Canadas Immigration Policy, allowed for Intelligent people in all from outside it, and of colour too even really, to move to Canada and with they in all again perhaps, remaining somewhat uneducated even {and meaning that, their chance in succeeding which they even saw as a birthright actually, was considered minimal in some ways truly and in a Canada with a few jobs in all, but with lots of Educated outsiders in all too, wanting to enter it actually}. In all, a truly unfair and unfavourable Society, whose emotions were pretty much messed up, and I decided much earlier on, I would have no contact or association with it all actually {and in many ways even, having me realize a Western Education in all, to be truly worthless even (and as with my not attending any of my classes in all truly, and in the style even of Bill Gates in all actually)}.
In many ways again, I was somewhat truly depressed and as with regards to Spirituality itself even, hoping and willing even, for a new kind even, of Spirituality in all actually {and not Faith or Hope even (and speak too even really, of Religion in all actually)}, to come save me from this Hell I was inhabiting, and have me seeing life in all, in a rather different manner actually, that at the very least did promise to upraise me highly, and emotionally speaking too that is, to levels at the very least even, speaking of Comradeship in all, and having me living life in all again, to the utmost of levels in most ways truly.
She's a dancehall queen for life
Gonna explode like dynamite
And she's moving outta sight
Now she a guh mash up di place like dynamite
-- Beenie Man and Chevelle Franklin
In most ways truly at that time, Dancehall/Reggae was whom I truly was in many ways even {and in spirit and soul that is}, when I did think, of attaining Success actually. To me, it appeared that Jamaicans in general to say the least, were not truly perceived as Minorities actually {but simply Jamaicans in all again}, and in many ways too even really, this allowed for them to attain Success in Canada in all, that other Minority groups {and speaking of those of colour too that is}, could not attain in most ways truly. At the very least, it seemed to have to do with a Mentality and with Jamaicans in general too perhaps, the kind to make Money in all secretly {and via Networks too that is}, and simply then, sit around and using it here and there, and basically enjoying life in a more or less simple manner actually. I began thinking this way and this in many ways even, led me to discover in many ways actually, African Spirituality {and via the Americas too that is}, but with regards to practicality, my belief {and as with Networks and the Internet}, that I could somewhat make it big in the Internet Business World, due to my belief that I understood just how Networks in all, did mainly work in most ways actually. It is from this perspective of attempting to fully understand Networks, that I did approach African Spirituality in all, it though while popularly presented from the perspective of Aesthetics {and being Cool too even really} {and as in a many Dancehall video even}, it seemed to me instead, to house rather interesting Network theories, that could be directly applied even to the Internet in all, allowing for me to make Money without truly working actually, and then simply hang around enjoying it in all again truly {and more or less simply even, and in a Canada, Anti-capitalist in most ways truly (but with it promoting Capitalism around the World actually), and where displaying/flashing materiality in all, is actually looked down upon in all ways truly}. This to me, was a grand idea even, and in a Canada in general, where life in some ways {and as with excitement too that is}, did mirror even, life in an African village perhaps {nothing to do that is, even if, you did have the all the money to do anything actually} {and with time, my truly thinking even, of leaving Canada in all and moving to America, or simply Dying too even actually}.
With time though, I found all this rather difficult even, as in realizing that, Software/Systems programming {and as with it supporting Networks too even really}, had not arrived at the level even, of African Network thought, and in many ways truly, Internet Business in all, seemed rather backward actually, as with it requiring even, a rather heavy investment in all, due to the poor Network systems in all truly, used in all to implement/manage Internet Business in all actually {and with even, making money using a Cellphone in all again, still actually profitable with regards to Network theory, than anything that the Internet in all had truly mustered/thought up actually {and without one having in all again, to seek out a Movie-like Budget investment in all really, inorder to succeed that is}. This though, my truly realizing all this, was to happen many years ahead in all, and continued even, after my leaving Calgary, Canada {having spent there the most depressive years/moments of my life actually}, and onwards then, to Quebec/Montreal in all, which I truly believed at the very least, to house an environment in all again, somewhat truly Cultural {as with speaking even, of everyday general excitement in most ways truly}.
My living in Quebec/Montreal, was far more pleasant in nature than Calgary ever was, but in many ways still, it was not what I thought it would be exactly as the levels of excitement in the place in all, was rather blasé even and as with it now in many ways truly actually, rather Western in nature. By this time, I had no desire to look for a Job or gain Employment even and as the Western World defined it to, as I had come to figure out just how in many ways, the Western World did operate actually. Knowing it to be based around the ‘Cult of the White Woman’ in all truly, what did surprise me further more was that, this Cult in many ways, was not individual in nature actually {as with White Women being individual in nature that is}, but highly run even, in a similar fashion, to the very way the Ottoman Empire in some ways, was truly run: highly based around Harems actually. An Empire, the Ottomans, whereby Women in all sought to make themselves as attractive as possible and on this happening, were then available in many ways, to Men, whom they believed were of their Cultural tastes actually {what is been said here is that Ottoman Harems, were actually run and owned by Women who simply sought, to inspire and attract in all, a Man, who could very well pay for their ways of living and as with the Man in this case even, the only one employed here in all ways truly}. The Western World, and as based around the ‘Cult of the White Woman’, seemed to operate around this model and with most kept around too in all really, via the creation of highly tense sexual and racial environments even, that has many Westerners in all again, ensnared such that, they are unable to disentangle themselves from it all actually, and as with these environments even, highly addictive in nature actually {and giving birth even, to all forms of personal addictions in all truly} {and one whose dynamics in all again, spoke of the Ottoman Empire actually (and an Empire in most ways too, I cared not to know much about either)}. When it comes to Empire, I most strongly only perhaps identify with, the ‘Roman’ Emperors of Rome {and who in all ways even, were Italian actually, and not Roman either}.
At this point of my life, knowing that gaining a Job/Employment in the Western World a waste of time, and with the Western Media still very much proclaiming that the only way to survive in the World and find meaningful employment, lay only, with the Western World actually {and Images too in all, of suffering and strife in the rest of the World really}, I began to realize fully in many ways, how despite the World being filled with Spirituality in all truly, life in all cases even, truly remained Meaningless actually {and at the very least, as with speak even of the attempts by organizations such as the UN in all, trying and attempting to fully systematize just about everything and anything, and in the name of development too that is (and as with speak too even, of highly restricted Travel, tougher Visa regulations, and in just about every part of the World too actually)}.
While believing myself doomed, I continued reading in on African Spirituality, having settled on what they did call Ifa actually, believing and seeing it in many ways truly, somewhat Egyptian in nature actually (and not African either) {and as with my belief even that, African Spirituality in general, was not too well developed actually}. Having looked up at Congo Spirituality for instance, I was somewhat impressed with its Communication protocols, but Communications in all, that appeared to work in a much less Systematized environment, than that which the Western World did have to offer {meaning that, African Congo Spirituality was of interest from the perspective that, it did show one how to create Systems in all (in a present/’real time’ nature somewhat), that the Western World in all again, would probably consider Illegal/Illicit in most ways truly (but Systems too, more Oracle based actually, and rather than Oracular, and as Ifa was in many ways truly, and with regards to Systems creation that is)}. Obeah, on one hand, was a more interesting African based form of Spirituality as it spoke of, worshipping spirits in all, that promised to bring drama in ones life actually, and drama too, that would eventually lead to happiness and peace and prosperity even, and in one form or another actually {but with the possibility of getting killed along the way even, very much present actually}. At this stage, I was still studying African Spirituality from the perspective of its Networks, truly believing even {and as with Igbo/Bantu Spirituality that is}, that it did hold the key to at the very least learning how to develop what some do call, Autonomous Networks {or Networks too at the very least, simply Independent in their ways actually}. In my opinion, simply set up an Autonomous Network and then simply wait, for the money to roll in. All this though, would be frustrated by the fact that, studies in Network theory {and as with Software too even really}, was actually far more backward in nature than what the Western Media in all {and Bill Gates too even really}, would have one believe in actually {resulting even, in the dot.com crash in many ways truly}. The ideas for creating Autonomous Networks were in plenty, the Software on the otherhand was highly lacking, and it appeared would not make an appearance for another 10 years perhaps {and 10 years too, as with speak even, of it all being affordable actually}.
While all this was happening, I took up studying Ifa in many ways and on sites too, run by one Awo Falokun, and another Philip Neimark, as at the very least, I believed they did see Ifa in a way, that I very much would {from a Psychological perspective that is, rather than a Cultural one and as a person of Yoruba descent in all, might see it actually}. While at this time I had stopped seeking out in many ways, any knowledge having to do with Networks in all, I began in many ways too even really, to look into Organizational theories in all as Awo Falokun and Philip Neimark too even really, did present Ifa even, in such ways actually {from the Organizational in all, rather than from the System perspective in all truly}. Ways of thinking that had me thinking of basic Business theory, but not in a practical sense truly.
Ifa in most ways, is the kind of Spirituality that is hard for many to fathom in many ways really. For some, it speaks of the Oracle {and as with it highly, Oracular in nature actually, and speaking even, of Systems design in all truly}. For others, Ifa is Spirituality highly associated with its Practises {and as Awo Falokun did teach}, and Practises too, highly associated even, with the Organizational in all truly {that Ifa in all, could at the very least be used to create, rather well running and functioning, Families in most ways truly}. In many ways even, Ifa as Oracle is truly powerful stuff actually, as not only does it allow one in all, to create Systems actually and based on the Oracular too, but with my knowing even, that this form of Knowledge would best work in Kenya/Africa than in the Western World too really {where Systems in all again, are actually highly even, racialized in nature in most ways truly}. A third way to look at Ifa, and the Yoruba too even really, is from the perspective of its Art {and Religious Writings actually}, and speak too even again, of Networks in all {and Network theory too in many ways really} {and as with my viewing even, the other two ways of practicing Ifa more or less Egyptian in their ways actually, and rather than African/Yoruba in all truly} {and with Ifa as Oracle/Oracular even, if memorized in all truly, capable of having the most interesting side effects to ones life, and as with it affecting even, ones Subconscious in the most interesting ways too really}.
Awo Falokun and Philip Neimark seemed to disagree on what truly Ifa was {as with it even, capable of being many things actually}. While Awo Falokun stressed in many ways, that the Key to Ifa lay with being Illuminated actually {as with being aware even, of faults in oneself and ones present environments in all truly} {and talk too even, of ‘Ori’ actually}, he did have disagreements with Philip Neimark on all this and which with retrospect in all again, has me believing that Philip Neimark presented Ifa more from the perspective of ‘Iponri’, rather than ‘Ori’ as Awo Falokun actually did {with the Iponri speaking of ones Higher Self in many ways truly, and the ability in all again, to truly in many ways actually, sense out ones environments/World in many ways truly} {and perhaps truly why even, Philip Neimark did see Ifa in all, from the Business point of view truly}. While reading all this and believing in Family based Organizational formats, I truly perhaps and subconsciously even, decided to move to Sweden where I believed in many ways perhaps, Ifa in all, would truly work best even {but all this thought up in many ways actually, Subconsciously I believe, but at the very least even, my viewing Sweden in all, as being rather stable Economically in all truly}.
My arrival in itself and into Sweden would be of some interest to me as when I did touch ground, I in many ways became subconsciously or unconsciously even, aware that is, that I was in Europe {and in many ways even, feeling my soul stirring in most ways, as with even believing, I truly belonged here actually} {or even perhaps, that Ifa had led me to Sweden in most ways truly}.
While in Sweden, I began somewhat waking up to my old notions of Spirituality, European, and of being a master Swordsman at that, and a Philosopher to boot too actually. I actually in all ways believed, I truly belonged in Sweden and from the very least due to the fact, that I highly identified with its Nature in most ways truly. In many ways, I awoke to myself as a Communicational being actually, having come to realize I did speak and talk even, in rather similar ways, to the Swedes themselves actually {making Sweden in many ways, feel like a natural home actually}. I got down immediately to looking into how to Immigrate intro Sweden as fast as possible, but with time came to realize that Sweden in many ways, had an Immigrant problem, both Black and White {African and South American too that is}. Africans in many ways, were the last people I truly did want to meet as my last visit to Kenya in many ways, had in many ways made too made me aware that Africa’s last standing democracy in most ways, was bound to collapse in another 10 years or less even (and at the most too actually). Sweden to me was it and I at the very least loved the Nature, and any racial or political tensions in my case, were in many ways African and South American too respectively {while some would perhaps believe it was the other way round, I on the otherhand do believe it was simply in the way I have stated it above actually}. What was left was for me to find in all the Philosophy books I needed and a Sword to match them all too really, to truly begin living life {as I truly in many ways atleast did understand that living fully in Europe, was about ingraining in oneself even a true sense of Romance actually, and as with it defining even, every moment of ones life in all truly}.
On my attending University, the University of Uppsala that is, and beginning my classes, not only did the Professors notify us that we did not have to attend any of our classes in all (if we so chose not to), but also that we could very well postpone our exams, to a time we did feel to be appropriate even. My hearing this, made me truly wonder if I was dreaming even, and then almost instantly, begging to view Swedes as being ingenious, if not outrightly brilliant in all too really. I truly believed in all this, but with time actually, began looking even, for other possibilities {and in my first year too}, when I truly realized that Sweden did offer many other Educational pursuits that would in the very least, result in gainful employment in Sweden itself actually {and at the very least too, I viewed my present degree in Scientific Computing difficult in one way: it would require me to study until Phd level and something I did not care to do in most ways truly}. Having fatally come to this conclusion, I began lagging in my courses in many ways actually, while spending a lot of my time reading up on anything that did interest me actually, and at the very least, reading up on Awo Falokuns website, as it did offer forms of Knowledge, Spiritual, that I believed well suited for Europe in many ways truly.
While in Sweden though, I would have my first Spiritual experience in many ways which later on I did understand, to it having all been about {as with my experiencing foreloness and a deep loneliness too even really}, to my connecting to Swedish Nature itself such that, I believe I began experiencing Reality, in a similar manner, to that which Swedes themselves do actually experience it {at the very least, this consisted of viewing Africans as a menace, and South American immigrants too, as mainly uncultured in most ways truly} {at the most on the otherhand this did involve having thoughts on Princess Madeleine herself, and even in all, if she knew about me in any way or manner too really}.
One thing that Awo Falokuns website did do for me was introduce me, to the very world of Arthurian Spirituality {stuff I found interesting until I later realized, I actually knew it all pretty well in most ways truly}. One of the side effects perhaps of taking active interest in Spirituality is that, it can have a direct impact even, on ones life and in an immediate fashion too in most ways really. This meaning, Spiritual beliefs, once learned in an average manner even, can truly begin, having a direct impact on ones life, and based around problems too, psychological in most ways even, that do seem to arise almost immediately even. For me though, while Ifa and Awo Falokun spoke about developing a ‘Cool head’, and not being too hot-tempered and in just about anything done {and as with being Illuminated too even really} {and advice too, I did take readily too heart actually}, what did happen next though, was my finding myself joining in many ways even, a forum named RAS {Race and stuff}, and owned in all by one Jay (Mulatto), his Mulatto cousin Martin too, and other Mulattos, Ethiopians, Somalis, Carribeans and several others groups too really, and all in the mix {and including a certain Kwame, an African from Ghana (but residing in Toronto, Canada in all ways really)}, and where in all again, we spent most of our time actually, racially insulting each other to the extent, we probably became a hotbed for the creation of new racial insults in all, and for me on the otherhand, believing ‘Ori tutu’ {or having a ‘Cool head’ truly}, pretty much theoretical stuff actually. In many ways though, while reading up on Arthurian stuff in Awo Falokuns forum, and other stuff on Islam too even really, I decided to take the latter two far more seriously, from at the very least approaching Ifa in all, from a Jungian and Freudian perspective too actually. In all ways even and as with speak of Arthurian Spirituality too that is {with it being Jungian, Erikson and Freudian somewhat even}, I began to realize I understood this stuff much better than I thought did, before realizing in all again that simply by reading about stuff that Jung wrote, I automatically awoke to it all actually {and to myself even as being at the very least, of European descent in all (if not Arthurian too that is)}. In all ways and in many other ways too even really, it all began to make me rather Creative in all I believe, and on my attempting to unite Ifa and Arthurian Spirituality {which I began to do more from the Oracular format actually}, I immediately began to think of attending Entrepreneurship School in Stockholm {and at SSES too that is} {great education by the way}, believing I could apply all I had learnt in coming up truly, with ingenious even, Business Ideas, that would see me prospering greatly in Sweden actually {and as with having Princess Madeleine even, having read or heard about me at the very least in many ways actually}. On another hand I did think about studying Theoretical Physics {and not from a philosophical perspective either, or even an organizational perspective too (as with a lot of Physics Research today that is), but truly in all again from a Systems approach actually (as with at the very least viewing all this to be about, presenting Physics in all, from certain Presentation formats actually, that did promise in all again, to expose all kinds of hitherto unseen Knowledge actually (and which Experimentation in all, could not expose in most ways truly)) (as with even truly, what a perfect University Research Thesis is truly all about actually)}. In many ways even, I truly believed at the very least, this could all be done {and in an Arthurian fashion too that is}, by writing Creatively about Physics, and having Ifa in the Oracle/Oracular form in all, truly help one see the practical benefits to all this actually {as with Systems/Presentation design that is} {and something I believe and as with Independent Research too even really, is the future of Physics in many ways actually (and as with speak too even, of minimal funding in all too really)}.
I enjoyed my studies in Stockholm {and spent some time even looking around at Stockholms Architecture}, which in many ways awoke me to my history even, as a Moor in all actually {and as with the Moor in many ways in all, truly defined even, by their acute knowledge in all again, of the Architectural actually (and as with speak even of how it does directly impact ones natural behaviour in all) (and with the further example even, of Gothic Architecture in all, and its ability even, to make one a masterful Schemer in many ways truly)}.
My deciding to take an active interest in Islam, was with time again, a blunder of a kind truly perhaps, and as with stating again even that, reading up on Spirituality in all, can have a direct impact on ones life almost immediately actually {and becoming acquainted with Djinns in this manner even, is not something that is recommended in all truly}. Awo Falokun in most ways, presented Islam in a way I liked {from the perspective of Djinns}. Interestingly enough, the world of Djinns appears to have no time perspective to it all, and with anything even, capable of happening to one and at just about anytime actually {and including even, a fateful death on ones wedding night in all truly}.
In January 2009, while still attending SSES in Stockholm, I was in many ways truly, thrown, into a detention camp by Immigrationsverket {Swedens Immigration Board}, and a state in all too really, I truly blamed on my owning a Kenyan Passport actually {with the Djinn on the otherhand, making me aware that in many/all ways it actually had to do with me, acting as a Moor even, and did involve somewhat actually, Princess Madeleine herself to some extent} {it should be known though, I was still very much legally allowed to be within Sweden actually}. During this time, I underwent another Spiritual transformation/experience in all, when while held in detention, I underwent a fast for five whole weeks actually, and without food too, and which introduced me rather directly actually, to what Awo Falokun used to write about in his site in many ways even: Altered States of Consciousness. It was during this period/time, I started having in many ways remarkable visions even, of my past life which had seen me live grandly in many ways, in Italy, Greece, Europe, Saudi Arabia, and even Oman too actually {let alone the Swahili Coast that is}. A most interesting of time, as I believed I would die in detention (and while fasting that is) but with the Djinn assuring me in some/all ways even, all would be fine actually {as when I did get arrested in all, I had agreed to be deported actually, and had been promised that this would happen in three days actually, and in many ways even, was surprised to still find myself in detention 4 weeks later in all actually}. However though, luckily for me all this did happen as I truly awoke even, to my past (and myself even) and in most ways really.
When I did arrive in Kenya and on a KLM flight too actually, I wondered why I simply did not die in Sweden {as Kenya just simply two years ago, was Africa in a way Joseph Conrad would probably have remarked ‘Get outta here’ to, and on having heard about it that is}. Luckily enough, and due to my reading of European Literature in all {and looking into Islam too even really}, I did not take it all too seriously, as there was nothing much in the Western World I did seek anymore {and as with my believing European Literature in all, to be the only way to live in Europe too really}, and in many ways even, having awoken to my past in Islam {and in both Oman and Saudi Arabia too even really}, I immediately in many ways even, identified as Arab and while in Kenya too that is. My reading of European Literature was not from the perspective of Culture actually, but actually truly from the perspective of French Arthurian Spirituality in all, and speak too even really, of developing (or mastering even) Christ like Communications actually {and as with being a Messiah too even really}, and in many ways even, all this taking Ideals seen truly in all, in Revolutionary France’s ‘French Republic’ actually {as with it even the France that Moors in all, do most strongly identify with actually}.
In many ways perhaps, Revolutionary France was the most interesting of places actually, but truly presented falsely even, by White/modern European academics in all truly. To see it as it really was, is to know it was divided into three parts: the Bonarpatist realm {it housing in all again, ‘White France’ actually}, the ‘French Republic’ {it housing in all again, ‘Brown France’, and especially those Arthurian too actually}, and finally, ‘Nationalist France’ in many ways really {and as with it made up of figures such as Marie Antoinette and Louis XIV too even really}. In many ways even, the Bonarpatists truly believed that, Napolean would reclaim France to its past glory {and even after his arrest} {and delusionally too that is}, while the French Republic in all ways even {and including the Revolutionary Guard that is}, was all about truly keeping the peace and calm in a France, now facing even, an invasion coming in from all over the World actually {as with France even, the heights of existence then, and to most out there too really}. The Nationalists though, were not to be taken too rather seriously actually {but funnily enough, they would come to influence France much more strongly, after the French Civil War in most ways truly}. Whom exactly though, were Louis XIV and Marie Antoinette? While it can be said that Marie Antoinette simply seemed out to become famous at all cost, Louis XIV was a far more interesting figure in all. With he being of Italian origins actually, he attempted in all, to recreate France actually, based around a belief even, that the Swordsman in all, was the perfect French person in all truly. In many ways even, Louis seemed delusional to the members of the French Republic, as he even believed in inviting outsiders to France itself, to help make his dreams all happen actually {and as with him delusionally perhaps, viewing France as being a smaller part in all, of Europe itself actually}. Worse off was the fact, he appeared to have no say in all (or clue even truly), of whom the likes of Alexandre Dumas or Georges truly even, truly were with regards to French History, and in his Nationalist views too even really, of a future France in all actually {as if it was he and his Nationalists, who made France in the past all happen actually}. Thirdly though, while promoting Artistic Ideals based highly around being a Swordsman in all, he appeared to have failed to notice that France at this time actually {and as with the French Republic too that is}, was highly obsessed with guns, firearms, and revolvers of all kinds, and it appears he must have been deaf in one way or another, and while promoting Swordmanship in all, and in a France too that is, where gunshots in all, were heard in just about every street corner actually. Yet still, he remained steadfast to his beliefs, and formulated himself more or less as a Sun-King {with the ‘French Republic’ perhaps believing all this entertainment even, for at the very least on my part, the only true Sun-King was none other than Tutankhamun himself actually}. In all though, this steadfastness did pay off apparently, as France to this very day remains Nationalist, but with many of its former Nationalist Ideals gone by now, and due to the popularization in many ways even, of Socialism in all {and even worse perhaps, attempting to redefine French Identity in all, away from French Christianity, the French Language or even truly French Art/Architecture} {and all in favour again, of creating a melting pot kind of existence, mixing in all truly, African, South American, American, and European cultures too even really (and with the Asian even, beginning to make a show in all even) (and with the idea of the Sun-King in all ways, truly by now replaced, by that of a top Celebrity in all ways truly (and including even, talk of the likes of Zinedine Zidane in all too really)}.
The future for me and as with regards to Spirituality I believe is rather interesting at this point of my life actually. At the very least, it has to do with French Arthurian Spirituality in all, and as once seen even, in the French Republic too that is. Kenya is in many ways, a somewhat interesting place actually, as with speak even, of the Western in it all truly. I in many ways tend to divide the place by Conversational ability (and not Infrastructure either), as one thing I did discover about the Western World was, they were all just a bunch of Talkers in all truly {and poor ones at that as a matter of fact}. Conversation one would say, is a French or Italian Art actually, and in many ways I do divide Kenya today, into those capable of holding Conversation in all {the Swahili/Islam realm that is}, and those who are just a mere bunch of Talkers {the Western and African in all too really}. All Talk, and any Success attained, truly has all the elements, of Thievery in it, and is how in all again, Western/African Kenya, truly does operate in most ways truly {and as with all this Talk even, having nothing much to show for it, other than a huge National Debt in all too really} {In many ways, this is the main reason I do fault a Western Education in all for (mere Talk), as with even knowing that, Western Textbooks in all, don’t mention or state anything actually, but simply in all/many ways even, merely just Talk about whats in the Book truly} {meaningless, useless, nonsensical Talk in most ways actually (and it all supported even, by a huge Billion Dollar Budget too actually)}. Conversation {and as a Conversationalist too along the lines of the French Republic}, I believe is an Art in itself, Spirituality too, and an Ideal in many ways (and as with highly volatile Revolutionary France), capable truly, of making just about anything happen at the very least from the perspective, of the Entertainment factor to it all actually {and as with speak too even, of how its actually all staged in all too really}.
In all, in concluding all this is to say that, unaware to most, Spirituality presented as above, did in fact give birth to the Shakesperean world in all actually {as with Shakespeare in all ways, the very source/ground even, of all European Spirituality actually} {but with it in many ways truly, grounded actually in Aristotelian/Italian Philosophy, and in all ways too really}. What has been presented above, are actually ingredients in all, for a future world/existence {and as with Spirituality too that is}, that one could very well call, the Aetolian {Greek, and as with it not only also replacing the African mentioned above, with the Greek, but also having Socrates in many ways, at its very core even (and as with Philosophy too that is)}. In many ways even, while the Shakesperean did help give birth to the Arthurian, the Aetolian world in many ways, will have the Moor as its primary figure in all too really. All this, is not too hard to decipher, as it does involve at the very least, writing Literature pieces even {and along the lines too of “Tales of Adventurism and the Moor’}, that do incorporate in all again, all these forms of Spirituality mentioned above in all truly. A world in many ways to be centered around Kenya itself, as with it even providing a counter action even, to the pervading African Spiritual realm seen there, and best known as Congolese too that is {as with the Congolese in all, not speaking truly of the Congo actually, but actually in all again, the meshing and mixing even, of different kinds of (Brown, White/’South African’, Black) African Spirituality in all, and giving rise to a realm in all again, of Spirituality, associated today in all even, with South African Music such as Kwaito, South African Rock Music, or even lots of modern African Rap music in all too really} {In many ways even, this Spiritual realm/existence in all, is more complex than it truly appears to be, as it does include even, what one could call the Ottoman Sciences actually (and as with an African based Education in all too really), Western Books/Sources (and via South Africa too mainly), and finally even, African Customs in all too really (with White South Africans in all again, heavily even, African in all truly, and as with regards to this actually)} {and with the Ottoman Sciences in all, what truly does make Africa in all again, appear to be rather similar, to the Swahili world in all too really (and not the Swahili Language either)}.
In many ways and as a finality too even really, the Moor in all, can truly best be seen in the form of the Sphinx actually {as with stating even and unknown to most too that is, that the Sphinx and Egyptian Spirituality in all, actually in many ways speaks of it, the Sphinx that is, housing millions even, of different Spiritual Faces, and with each Face (and as with Egyptian Pharaonic Sculptures too that is), housing a form or kind of Spirituality in all too really} {and with Hermes even, the Greek God that is, in most ways truly even, a representative of the Sphinx in Egypt too actually} {and with Egyptians in all ways truly again, having always been mainly Negroid actually, and not Caucasoid either (and as with the Sphinx too that is), and not as some tend to falsely present/represent them today in all too really (i.e., they having been Caucasoid in all/most ways truly)}.
'the Moor''
Pemba.
